MINISTRY...

The other day,I ate too much. I was in my friend's room and her roommate prepared jollof rice and dodo,I didn't want to appear proud so when she offered me,I just managed and ate the food but I was still hungry. When I got back to my room and met my roommate taking fufu and egusi soup,I pounced on it and we washed it down with 5alive (as per tush girls) but I still wasn't satisfied,maybe because I took drugs sha,I didn't have money to buy food so I went to another friend's room (call me alatenuje,the Lord knows your house number) she wasn't around but her roommate was and she was a little busy in the kitchenette so I stylishly got busy too,I helped her lay her bed and I started reading (isshh,nothing stuck o) when she came back and found her bed laid,she was so happy and offered me food, at first I said no but she insisted and I was like 'ah,ok oo,if you insist,so you won't say I don't like you' so I took my 3rd dinner,a plate of concotion rice and beans. Do you blame me?Who can say no to free food? Show me a man who can and I'll prove to you that the man has ulcer or is it diabetes? But everything has its side effect(s) and believe me the side effects of over eating na die. Ranging 4rm incessant visits to the toilet,to belching(egg flavor,palmwine flavor etc) and finally releasing atomic bombs from the rectum and thereby causing air pollution. I had constipation the next day and it was on a tuesday(tuesday is my fellowship's bible study) I didn't want to go for the bible study because when I constipate (which happens often) its never possible for me to control the rate at which I pollute air but I couldn't miss fellowship either so I decided to go and at least try to control the rate at which I'd disturb their noses and mouths when we shouted GLORY. I got to church and sat at the back,I was so lucky,I was the only one on the row. I felt relieved,I could release as much product as I wanted,it was my territory. 'GLORY To GOD' the sister in charge shouted, GlOoory we echoed, mine was different because the smell from my mouth was definitely glorious. I bet the girl in front of me perceived this smell because she looked back and I just gave her this very sweet innocent smile and she smiled back. I sighed, 30mins later,I was still in my paradise of stench when one cute first timer entered,I didn't see him before then and I've not seen him after, fine boy looking dOctORy,I left a smile on my face so atleast he'd come and sit beside me,I already forgot my ministry for that day. My charm worked, he sat beside me,little did I know his ministry was greater than mine. I greeted him and he responded ..dayuuumm, perfect voice,he'll sing me to bed every night for the rest of our glorious lives,I thought to myself. We shared my bible and that was when I was ministered to by the spirits in my stomach,I released one badtt gas like that and oh Boy, the guy's eyes became blurry,me sef, I didn't know I was that talented. I still maintained my smiling face and he kept taking quick glances at me and nodding his head, I was so embarrassed but can such reflex action be controlled? I belched( egg flavor) but that one wasn't so smelly,if the sister had not said 'turn to your neighbor and say you are God's general' he wouldn't have smelt it, he looked at me and I knew he was thinking 'oloorun wo leleyi' (what kinda smelly person be this) I just kept smiling and he kept nodding,little did I know I wasn't even half as good as this guy. He decided 2 surprise me and believe me, I was really surprised,he released gas ,my eyes became blurry instantly and I felt like I was going to choke,but I couldn't cover my nose because he didn't cover his when I showed him the power of a constipating lady. The table turned,he was the one smiling and I was the one doing the nodding, he proved to me that what a woman can do a man can do better. I was so vexed, how dare he defile the temple of the Almighty God! smelly creature sha,I eyed him for the rest of the service. Even with the warm reception the guy was given,he never came to our fellowship after that day and I still don't know why. Before I go,let me sound a note of warning, if we ever happen to be together,we are alone or with so many people and somebody pollutes or something else spoils the atmosphere,if you give me that 'I-know-you-did-that' look, I'll change it for you oh! Thanks so much for visiting and I hope you'll visit tomorrow..Don't forget to drop a comment,boost my ego small..