HAPPILY EVER AFTER...

We are leaving this country Zirah and I think this time its for real,Jared said. She couldn't believe what she just heard,she had fallen so much in love with this guy who was 3years younger than she was. She was from a royal family and even a different country but still she fell in love with this blacksmith's son. So what will become of me she said with a gloomy face, you expect me to do what??? Let you go? After all I've been through. Jared was confused,they had to leave the country,their ancestors had been there for 430 years and every 2years,a 'fake' seer always proposes to take them out of this country but now he had a feeling the man with the beautiful walking stick he met at the townsquare was for real.Then come with me,he said looking at her and noting the expression on her face,her face was as blank as a dummy's exam sheet,he couldn't tell what she was thinking. I'll come with you Jared,I can't live here without you but first,you have to tell me where we are going,is it the land where those giants in the pictures reside or the land flowing with milk and honey that we have always dreamt about.. The land of milk and honey Zirah..and I promise you'll never suffer for a day. She didn't hear the last of it,she raced home,packed her garments and the beautiful iron bear he made for her the last general sabbath. Without saying a word,she raced to Jared's house. she met his mother placing a red mark on their doorpost,she tried to help her hold the stool on which she climbed but she couldn't,the boil in her armpit wouldn't let her. She remembered how the boil came to be, Jared told her to come to their place the day before boil struck their land but she wanted one of her mother's maid to make her hair so she didn't go and that night when the first boil appeared at the back of her head,she felt it was beulah's hand that was too tight when she was making her hair so she applied shear butter by the next morning when she got up and wanted to cleanse her face,she couldn't believe what she saw,her whole face was covered with boils.As she ran to the midwife's place she saw everyone with boils, but after her father did what the man with the beautiful walking stick said the boils disappeared,except this one in her armpit. Her mother constantly teased her that she didn't have her bath well because her own boil was as a result of dirtiness. She just kept staring at Jared's mother has she kept marking all the doorposts in the compound, everybody already accepted her and so she wasn't questioned when she headed for Jared's room,she sat there and kept waiting for him to arrive. He came back a little too late and Zirah questioned him about what she saw his mother doing earlier that day, he explained to her that the man with the beautiful walking stick told all of them to kill a day old lamb and mark their doorpost with it,he called it 'passover'. She said ok but she suddenly remembered it was that same man with the beautiful walking stick that told her father what solved the whole boil and other diseases problem. Jared told her they were leaving the next day and she didn't complain but her mind was disturbed. Was something going to happen if the houses in Egypt were not marked?? She had only 1 sister and she loved cheith so much. That night when everybody was asleep,she tiptoed to Jared's mother's closet and poured a little of the blood. She ran to their house and marked her mother's doorpost,cheith slept there so they'd both be safe.She went to her father's room and marked his doorpost with the blood too,she felt ok with that. The eldest wife suddenly found her at her door as she was about to mark her room's door and she was angry,she started shouting at her calling her a witch and chased her away,nobody in the house woke up and so she went back to Jared's house.And that night at midnight,the Lord struck down all the firstborn sons in the land of Egypt,fron the firstborn son of pharaoh,who sat on hsi throne,to the firstborn son of the prisoner in the dungeon.Even the livestock were killed(Exodus 12 vs29).The next morning,the whole land of Egypt woke up wailing,there were dead people in each house and they were all firstborns. Zokotah the firstborn of Pharaoh was dead but surprisingly,pharaoh wasn't dead even though he was also the firstborn of his own father. Zirah on hearing this became scared,so her father would have died if she hadn't marked his doorpost,she felt relieved that she saved her father but felt sad that Zokotah was dead. She explained to Jared what she did and he wasn't mad at her. Her father already told them to leave the land but when he found out Zirah was with Jared,he was vexed,he couldn't let him take away his daughter without paying her bride price so he sent for him and his family .And so on that day Zirah got married to Jared in Goshen and she became an Israelite by marriage,this qualified her to join them in moving away from Egypt into the land flowing with milk and honey ermm..and they lived happily ever after.... (Death of Egypt's firstborn and the Exodus from Egypt as retold by me) happy sunday everyone and happy belated birthday to Ezinne. The peace of almighty God be with you all.

MINISTRY...

The other day,I ate too much. I was in my friend's room and her roommate prepared jollof rice and dodo,I didn't want to appear proud so when she offered me,I just managed and ate the food but I was still hungry. When I got back to my room and met my roommate taking fufu and egusi soup,I pounced on it and we washed it down with 5alive (as per tush girls) but I still wasn't satisfied,maybe because I took drugs sha,I didn't have money to buy food so I went to another friend's room (call me alatenuje,the Lord knows your house number) she wasn't around but her roommate was and she was a little busy in the kitchenette so I stylishly got busy too,I helped her lay her bed and I started reading (isshh,nothing stuck o) when she came back and found her bed laid,she was so happy and offered me food, at first I said no but she insisted and I was like 'ah,ok oo,if you insist,so you won't say I don't like you' so I took my 3rd dinner,a plate of concotion rice and beans. Do you blame me?Who can say no to free food? Show me a man who can and I'll prove to you that the man has ulcer or is it diabetes? But everything has its side effect(s) and believe me the side effects of over eating na die. Ranging 4rm incessant visits to the toilet,to belching(egg flavor,palmwine flavor etc) and finally releasing atomic bombs from the rectum and thereby causing air pollution. I had constipation the next day and it was on a tuesday(tuesday is my fellowship's bible study) I didn't want to go for the bible study because when I constipate (which happens often) its never possible for me to control the rate at which I pollute air but I couldn't miss fellowship either so I decided to go and at least try to control the rate at which I'd disturb their noses and mouths when we shouted GLORY. I got to church and sat at the back,I was so lucky,I was the only one on the row. I felt relieved,I could release as much product as I wanted,it was my territory. 'GLORY To GOD' the sister in charge shouted, GlOoory we echoed, mine was different because the smell from my mouth was definitely glorious. I bet the girl in front of me perceived this smell because she looked back and I just gave her this very sweet innocent smile and she smiled back. I sighed, 30mins later,I was still in my paradise of stench when one cute first timer entered,I didn't see him before then and I've not seen him after, fine boy looking dOctORy,I left a smile on my face so atleast he'd come and sit beside me,I already forgot my ministry for that day. My charm worked, he sat beside me,little did I know his ministry was greater than mine. I greeted him and he responded ..dayuuumm, perfect voice,he'll sing me to bed every night for the rest of our glorious lives,I thought to myself. We shared my bible and that was when I was ministered to by the spirits in my stomach,I released one badtt gas like that and oh Boy, the guy's eyes became blurry,me sef, I didn't know I was that talented. I still maintained my smiling face and he kept taking quick glances at me and nodding his head, I was so embarrassed but can such reflex action be controlled? I belched( egg flavor) but that one wasn't so smelly,if the sister had not said 'turn to your neighbor and say you are God's general' he wouldn't have smelt it, he looked at me and I knew he was thinking 'oloorun wo leleyi' (what kinda smelly person be this) I just kept smiling and he kept nodding,little did I know I wasn't even half as good as this guy. He decided 2 surprise me and believe me, I was really surprised,he released gas ,my eyes became blurry instantly and I felt like I was going to choke,but I couldn't cover my nose because he didn't cover his when I showed him the power of a constipating lady. The table turned,he was the one smiling and I was the one doing the nodding, he proved to me that what a woman can do a man can do better. I was so vexed, how dare he defile the temple of the Almighty God! smelly creature sha,I eyed him for the rest of the service. Even with the warm reception the guy was given,he never came to our fellowship after that day and I still don't know why. Before I go,let me sound a note of warning, if we ever happen to be together,we are alone or with so many people and somebody pollutes or something else spoils the atmosphere,if you give me that 'I-know-you-did-that' look, I'll change it for you oh! Thanks so much for visiting and I hope you'll visit tomorrow..Don't forget to drop a comment,boost my ego small..

Crush 1..(childhood Wedding)

According to Merriam Webster dictionary,a crush is an intense and usually passing infatuation. The same Merriam Webster dictionary defines infatuate as:            
1.To cause to be foolish deprive of sound judgment
2 :To inspire with a foolish or extravagant love or admiration.
   Skweez me, who knows merriam webster ? (Don't refer me to google) He/She has so many questions to answer,I mean we need to have a heart to heart talk on this crush issue. I'd have loved to to narrate this tale using a linear plot system (I attended my prose and drama classes religiously in year1 so I know what linear plot is) but I do not even know the beginning so let me just start from where I remember (episodic plot....my mum isn't wasting her money)
    Right from childhood,say 9years,I've been crushing on boys,men,food,toys,houses,etc etc , my own 'crushing' is terrible but I've sha not killed before(I've killed wit my mind tho). I remember 1 boy like that,tunde by name,he is officially my First crush,the only genuine one sef,others are just by the way(I'll tell you about them later) .We attended same church and I usually looked forward to going to church because of him. He was a chubby boy and a nice person (he used to buy pongila;stick sweet for me with #5 out of his #10 offering). I was a fervent churchgoer as little as I was,if my mum says we were not going to church,I would be so vexed and at times like that I wished I was old enough to trek alone (our church wasn't far from our house and even if it were,I was soo ready to trek d distance). Tunde was a good drummer (permit me to use was because I dunno where he is now and so I'm not sure if he still drums but I'm sure he is studying MBBS) and I think that's why I still have a thing for drummers. We'd hold hands in church whenever there was no light and he smiled at me all the time. I'm very positive if we didn't move from that street,he'd have proposed to me with that #20 milk candy ring and I'd have gladly said YES (ermm before we go further! guys,intending suitors,that was then o,if you think you'll wife this lady without a diamond studded white gold ring,you have jonzed ) My family left that street and we lost contact,we didn't have access to phones then, prolly I'd have gotten his number . I remember his birthday party before we left the street,my mum didn't let me go because she didn't want to go,can u imagine? She didn't let me go to my husband's birthday party because she wanted to make her hair and she wanted me to be the one giving the hairdresser the wool for making her hair,I was just giving the TWO both of them attitude throughout ni,my mum knew the reason so she purposely sent me to their area( remember we were staying on the same street) to get her something I don't remember,when I saw them doing round-the-chair at the party, I started crying and my eyes were so red that the igbo woman that sold to me thought I was an house girl and my madam was maltreating me(she was new on our street so she didn't know us yet).I don't remember what happened afterwards but Tunde,if u ever read this pleaseeee just buy that milkcandy ring and make my childhood wedding a reality..(We can have our las vegas wedding afterwards) So you see why I agree with the infatuate definition. I was foolish, I cried because of boy,iffa hear say I cry now emi BOSS, but merriam webster's definition of crush should be changed,the feeling hasn't passed because every time I meet a good drummer,I remember him (if u have a boyfriend that answers tunde and drums well,sister you are boo_less o,he has a wife already). Ermm...Fast forward,I'm presently crushing on 4guys. Shhhh...I hope my secret is safe with you.

Those days.. These days

I miss my childhood days. Let's talk about my childhood in church, I'm positive you will find something similar to your experience as a kid too. When I was a kid, 'Altar call' wasn't complete if I was not at the altar, if I wasn't there, the pastor had probably not counted to '10'. I practically gave my life to christ everyday and I did this without being condemned but now I can't try that, I know people in my church who'll assume I'm confessing and re-dedicating my life because I aborted. I miss my days in church as a kid when I could go to church without tying my head and nobody will give me that 'Oh-ye-daughter-of-jezebel look' now if I go with a small scarf and not a thick pashmina, they'll start telling me 'See me after the service' .I miss my days in church as a kid when I could sleep as much as I wanted and nobody disturbed my peaceful sleep, now its either my mum is wearing dis stern look that says 'every prayer point is for you' or my crush is on the opposite side constantly staring at me and since I sleep with my mouth open (don't even beef me) I wouldn't want to embarrass myself. I miss my days in church as a kid when I could take biscuits and carry my water bottle to church and no one crucified me, now if I try that, all those nursing mothers will start shaking their heads for me telling me 'nkan to ye komo kekere ma se ko korrect e' (wat a kid shld b doing). I miss my days in church as a kid when I could go to church without a jotter and a bible, my mum's bible was for us all, now I have to carry at least 2 versions of the bible to make my bag fat. I miss my 'mummy tie my belt' dresses,they were so beautiful and made me look like a princess now I have to look matured and wear uniform every sunday. I miss my church days when I could sing 'off key' and still feel like a boss(atleast I knew the lyrics) now I can't try that because I'm expected to lay good example for the younger ones. I miss my church days when I painted the faces on my souvenir jotters and when the couple in the picture saw it, they just assumed "omode lo n se" (she is being childish) I remember the last time I tried this and the sister in the picture saw it,she yabbed me ehn and she even said someone will do the same to me (I said amen o)....That's all I remember for now. So what do we have in common?Do you remember any of your own church days? Do share it as a comment

Heyoo!!

Yaaay!!!  I finally got the liver to open my own blog.Procastination and cold feet has been stopping me from opening a blog,but after series oF consultation with thE elders I have decided to do this, let's see how good this can get.So let the show begin, I declare the blog open in the name of the Father,the Son and the Holy spirit. You may now kiss the bride