Odoomode Olowo (Young Millionaire)

Good morning loves of my life. How was the night? Mine was splendid, thanks for asking.

It wasn’t like I was jobless or something but I had nothing to do (on a second thought, I was jobless) so I decided to call random numbers. The plan initially was to say something scary like “I’m the ghost of the girl you killed last night! watch your back ahahahahahahah” but I didn’t want to give someone hypertension because as a law student, I know it’s a crime/tort (not sure if it is the two) to put someone in mental apprehension of imminent danger . I decided to just call, giggle and end the call. Nigerians are not curious fa, none of them even flashed back, just one of the numerous numbers I called sent me a Please Call Me back. The message had something about playing for a mega lotto worth 5million naira (you send 4 digit bet numbers between 0000 and 9999 to 30800) which was obviously attached by MTN. Tbh, I usually ignore such things but maybe because the girl really needs kudi bad bad, I went back to the message hours after I closed it as I couldn’t stop thinking about MY 5million naira that was lying in MTN’s bank account. You know how I know it’s my money? I took a nap that afternoon and the holy spirit appeared to me ( more like the sprit was in form of a still voice speaking to me from the huge 5million naira cheque presented to me in front of plenty plenty microphones and cameras) and I could hear it/him/her saying in a calm voice: I belong to you!!! Go for me!!!

I believe this is a good sign and you know what they say about dreams coming true. Pursuant to this gentlemen and gentlemen in skirts , I have decided to put my house in order before my big money comes so mi o ni wa caught unawares. You better famz me now because when I become a millionaire I’ll tell my P.A. to check my blog and only those who leave comments will get a picture of the 5million naira cheque sent to their mailbox so they can make it a point of contact when they are praying . In a bid to appropriately appropriate MY 5million naira (we millionaires say appropriate and not spend! Learn) I’ve come up with 10 things I’ll do with the money.

1. Pay my tithe: Skweeze me, I’m not overly religious but I seriously do believe in paying tithe. I grew up watching my mum pay the tithe of virtually every cash she got and although she initially forced us to follow her steps, I do it willingly now because I know its good business (CC: Malachi 3 v 10-11) God actually does replenish my pocket and so 500,000 naira. We are left with 4.5million.
2. Give my mother something out of it: I’m a typical Yoruba girl and it’s just one of the cultural/morally right thing to do. You are expected to give your parents your first pay and they can decide to :
a. Take everything and bless you
b. Take half, return half and bless you
c. Return all and bless you
d. Take everything and ask you when the next one is coming in so you can split that one into two too.
Since its technically not my salary and I can’t risk giving my mummy everything and having her tell me how long she has been feeding me, how I’m still too young to handle such money and how she has to keep it for me so it won’t be stolen/misappropriated (because her own bank account has bullet proof shebi) I won’t give her everything , her share is 1million naira. I’m left with 3.5million naira, my sisters get 500 thousand naira each so I’m left with 2.5m.

3. Chill this is number 3 and I have just 2.5m left??? biko go back. Cut my younger sister’s share to 200 thousand naira, she can’t be taking the same thing as my elder sister; she doesn’t even kneel down to greet me and I’ll be talking to her she’ll be pressing phone. Reduce my elder sister’s own to 300 thousand too, she yabbed me yesterday because I mistakenly wore her cloth thinking it was mine and then she didn’t transfer the 50 naira credit I begged her to so I can call more random numbers. So I’m left with 3m, I’ll put 1million naira in fixed deposit account (I don’t know how this works but I’ll ask around) or buy shares since I can’t run a business for now (as the lazy somebody that I am)

4. Buy suya worth 5k from the Mallam in front of preboye’s (if you are/were a Uite and you’ve not tasted preboye’s suya you are a passerby) when I resume school and I’ll also buy sugar so I can take enough suya and garri. I’ll give Damilola my roommate 1 thousand naira to buy her own so she won’t be staring at my mouth.

5. I still have roughly 3million shey? I’ll buy plenty white shirts, black shirts, black dresses , shoes, bags,makeup, law textbooks I’d be needing till final year and a few motivational books (which I might end up not reading because I prefer softcopy)


6. I'll buy a new phone; Samsung galaxy S6 edge and probably get a tab too.

7.So I still have like 2.5m, I’ll buy land in Ibadan or Akure. I do not know how much it will cost but the max I’m letting off here is 1.5million naira.

8. I'm left with 1million, I’ll give my good friends 10k each. (kayode, you are not my good friend so don’t even think you are getting anything; the only thing you’ll get is notebooks and pens)

9. I’ll buy 10 Mtn sim cards and keep it. Whenever anyone I know is celebrating his/her birthday, that would be their gift (that’s like giving back to MTN a share of what they MUST give me. If you’ll be celebrating your birthday between now and July 1st apply within for the birthday gift as the sim cards are limited). I'lll recharge my phone with 10k and subscribe for Mtn callertune (“seven seven seven is a number” precisely) and all those other things they constantly pester us to subscribe for.

10. Lastly, there would be giveaways for my blog visitors.

There you go thousanaires, as the millionaire that I am, I’m going to get a chequebook from my bank today in faith.  Your time will come soon... dont forget to make your own list too.

P.S: See I didn’t include car in my list and God has miraculously provided one for me. A message arrived while I was writing this and I’ve been told to send Ok to 35680 to win a Hyundai i10. Don’t send ok to 35680,I repeat don’t send ok to 35680!! The message is not for you.
P.S.S: I have pictures I wish to attach but I guess MTN is vexed that I'm coming for my money hence the terrible network
#okbye