PB

  You know what they say about “what you know how to eat best killing you”? Well, I recently discovered that “what you listen to best may fall your hand”.
I was with potential boo (hereinafter referred to as PB) when his mum called to ask if his weekend would be free, the responsible somebody told his mum he was going to get back to her and he ended the call to ask what I thought of going together. I initially said he could go without me but he insisted that we go together and I eventually said yes.Our unborn babies leaped for joy; dada was taking mama to see grandma. 

That Saturday morning, I ironed my dress so hard the iron almost stopped working. We got to their place and his mum was glad to see us; me especially. He introduced me to her as his “very good friend” and then he whispered something into her ear and she smiled. His younger sister and brother were also very glad to meet me. His elder sister was giving attitude for reasons best known to her. Set to impress, I joined the mum and her two daughters in the kitchen and helped with some petty chores. I helped PB’s brother clean his ass when he finished passing out shit, something that irritates me like the shit itself and I almost volunteered to help trim the flowers in their compound.

Later on, we all sat in the living room (except PB), to watch a Christian message broadcast. So where are you from? PB’s mother asked and I answered. “My best friend in my university days is from there and she was and still is a very nice lady”, she said smiling.  I smiled back and was silently thanking the best friend for “repping” my people well. Then out of the blue, she asked “What kind of music do you listen to”.  The girlfriend in me wanted to scream “aarrrrgh emi omo Nicki Minaj ati Future; awa ti Olamide badooo, ehn emi eyan Reminisce alaga ibile” but the wife and mother in me suppressed her. PB once mentioned how much his mum likes Tope Alabi, Baba ara and Sinach and let me chip it in that PB’s dad is a pastor and PB’s mum is by that calling a pastor’s wife, so I told her/ lied that I love Tope alabi, Yinka ayefele, baba ara, bola are and I mentioned a few gospel singers that are quite popular. She was nodding as I was making the list and it was obvious that she was very impressed. Children of nowadays don’t listen to such good music, they only listen to those “iyeyeye” songs that add no meaning to their lives, she said. “That’s true ma”, I said, “I don’t like all those kind of songs, good Christian songs inspire me a lot. I’m a chorister in my church and I even compose songs” I added when nobody asked me.

 That very moment, the demon of lie/ the spirits of all the true choristers that don’t sing off key and don’t miss rehearsals decided to put my enemy to shame. Something that sounded like my phone began to ring.  ”Tantantantan…tantantantan…tantantan…eyin omo wobe; wobe, eyin omo wobe; wobe, mo gbo information” I ignored it and PB’s sister that had been shaking her head for me all along was like “pick your call na”. Oh…ermm, I did not know it was my phone, I stuttered as I brought out my phone to turn it off. The mother said she likes the beat and asked if it was Yinka Ayefele’s new release.  Yinka kini, I thought and quickly said no.  I told her that I am from “Wobe local government” and that the song is for the preservation of our cultural heritage and to hail us such that when we hear “eyin omo wobe”, we say “wobe”…

When PB came back and I told him what happened, he could not stop making jest of me. He later told me that his elder sister had told their mum I  was lying when I left and she had googled  the lyrics of “bobo” and even “ladi” by lil kesh, olamide and phyno (a picture of a part of ladi’s lyrics is attached to this post), I wanted to faint . Although the mum was disappointed that I lied, PB did not mention anything about her telling me not to come near him. So people of God, send the names of the gospel songs you know, I am a changed person now.

P:S: I fell in love with “hooka” by tyga ft young thug while writing this post… don’t tell me I’m going to hell.

P.S.S: thanks to my baby, oluwaseun for putting this post up for me this night as my device refused to cooperate